Deaf Ears

I go through things, opportunities, ideas, quick as lightning. Across the span of my life, I find myself in the most unlikely places in an attempt to find… something. Is it money? Acceptance? Respect? Even love?

I sell iPhones on eBay. I learn about the diamond trade. I get obsessed with doing “good” things in the world. I start a website. I adopt babies. I blog about all the ways I’m helping to save the planet with my patio gardening and worm composting bin. I start businesses. I shutter businesses.

And it all sort of mashes together as one big shout into a cold, brisk wind.

Does anyone hear me out here?

Maybe. But why would they listen? I’m loud and obnoxious and sarcastic and desperate.

Desperate. That’s it right there.

We don’t want more desperation and misery. We want inclusion and fulfillment and inspiration.

And it doesn’t seem like such a big ask.

But instead, we wind up alone, sometimes in our minds, sometimes literally. In the dark, our days wasted, our hearts empty.

Is this how it was all meant to turn out?

Desperation. It’s something all of us feel.

Inspiration. It’s something few of us find.

I should count myself lucky that I am able to extract some from all this mess.

I try hard. I try so, so hard. And I fail again and again.

But I’m stubborn.

Eventually, I will break through, break through the barrier between water and air. Break through the barrier between me and you.